Notes from the Slushpile is a team blog maintained by eight friends who also happen to be children's authors at different stages of the publishing journey.
Inspired by You'll Be Back, mad King George's song in the musical Hamilton by Lin Manuel Miranda, George Kirk scarily demonstrates how not to communicate with literary agents. If you haven't seen Hamilton, you can hear the original song below. We love it!
Always keen to be of service, we asked literary agents what their top subbing peeves were.
LONG SUBMISSION LETTERS
If this has made you fear for George's chances of getting an agent, don't worry, she's already got one, Alice Williams of Alice Williams Literary .
We asked Alice what her top subbing peeve was and it wasn't 'Passive aggressive ukulele lyrics' but interminable submission letters.
Alice says: "Remember an agent will often sit down and sort through a big batch of submissions in one sitting. They are looking for the standout ideas and writing, and interesting creative people. An overly long covering email can slow the process down and be a bit offputting."
CONTROL FREAK SUBMISSIONS
Author Nizrana Fahrook, author of the utterly brilliant The GirlWho Stole an Elephant, kindly asked her agent Joanna Moult what pet peeve gets up the collective noses of her agency Skylark Literary.
Joanna replied: "Amber (Caraveo) and I often talk about our most hilariously unappealing submission!
It came in from a writer who said next to nothing about themselves in the covering email, other than to insist in VERY STRONG TERMS that they were only willing to communicate by email and that a publisher would not be allowed to change a single word of it. It all sounded so mysterious, so we were intrigued and opened it immediately. It turned out to be a disastrously badly written story.
So that was a pretty easy ‘no’!"
Heather says: "This is such a difficult question to answer, because it's hard to choose 'the worst' thing that people have done. I've been told (by aspiring authors that) they have book deals when they didn't, I've been DM'd or emailed incessantly by the same person, I've been propositioned ... but I think the worst would be showing blatant prejudice through the authorial voice. It really offends me."
FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES
New York Times bestselling author Mo O'Hara (whose graphic novel Agent Moose just came out ), has this from her agent Gemma Cooper of The Bent Agency.
"Sending a book out on submission is stressful, and lots of agencies have different requirements, so you are adding complicated systems to that stress! That is to say that for me, I understand if mistakes happen. Check the website and try your best to follow the guidelines."
Please don't gaze at the starkly worded instructions on agent websites and think you can do it better.
AUTHORS WHO PUT THEMSELVES DOWN
Gemma collected some comments from other agents at The Bent Agency and there was an astounding number of comments about the lack of self belief on display in submissions.
"I don’t like to see authors putting themselves down," said one agent, citing the number of times she's had to read lines like: “It’s probably not very good" and “I’m sorry for wasting your time”.
"If I’m open to submissions I want to hear from you, so my time is yours to take. You’ve written a whole book. That goal is on a lot of bucket lists, and you did it! Be proud of this and confident in your approach. Be professional. Don’t put doubt in my mind before I’ve read a single word."
QUERIES THAT ARE ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT THE BOOK
Molly Ker Hawn riffed on query letters that didn't actually query.
"Query letters that are all about the author and why they wrote the book, and don’t include a solid pitch for the book itself."
SCATTERGUN SUBMISSIONS
Zoë Plant adds: "Queries for books in areas or g enres that I don’t represent."
So, guys, please don't submit a children's book to an agency that only represents adult non fiction, or a young adult novel to a picture book literary agent. It's a waste of everybody's time.
Candy, Mo and George are children's authors who love playing the ukulele together and rewriting the lyrics of songs. During the lockdown they made a video rewording the World War II anthem We'll Meet Again as We'll Write Again. They are pictured playing their ukuleles at the 2018 conference of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (left to right: Candy Gourlay, Mo O'Hara, George Kirk and Tania Tay)
Do you have a book coming out - during lockdown or post-lockdown or possible future lockdown? The book trade and publishing landscape has changed - the world has changed - and we're just finding our feet again. Dark Blue Rising came out on 9th July. It was a difficult, stressful time in the lead up to publication. But some positives definitely did come out of it.
I ADORE my cover!!!!
Designer: Michelle Brackenborough
GIF by Sara O'Connor
A new book - a new series! - a new imprint, Hodder - a new year. It was all change for me after a 2019 that, well, let's just say had more than its share of challenges. But somehow I got through it, finished editing, was happy with the story, AND - the dream! - got a book cover that I ADORE. So around February 2020 I was feeling cautiously optimistic about the launch of Dark Blue Rising, coming in July.
And then ... well, you know what happened.
At first there was denial:this isn't as bad as it seems, it is an over-reaction, everything will be back to normal in a blink.
Then panic:it isn't as bad as it seems - it's worse. I'm worried about my family, my friends, the world. I can't write, can't concentrate on anything.
(I got past my block, eventually - I'll post a vlog on that below.)
Then guilt crept in:I'm worried about launching my new book.
The very entertaining, tail-wagging,
sock-stealing Scooby
It felt wrong to even admit it with so much going wrong for so many people. So far, the worst for me was having to cancel some events and a long overdue trip to Canada to see family. We were healthy and well, had Scooby to entertain us, a park across the road for our early morning walk, a decent sized garden for outdoor space, no immediate financial concerns. We had it good, and I knew this - still know it now.
But what about MY BOOK?? WAHHHHH
Sometime around April I called my lovely agent - wondering if the publication date should be postponed. There were conversations back and forth with my publisher. They felt we should stick to the July date; that so many books were being postponed that the Autumn would be too crowded, and with the only other option leaving it to 2021, I agreed.
Then things seemed to be getting even worse, both with the pandemic and in the book and publishing sphere. There were tales of new books being held up and not delivered to shops, supply chain woes, even Amazon was putting book delivery down the priority list. And again - feeling guilty to even be thinking about things like this when people were losing family, friends.
There is no point worrying about things out of my control, right? I'm rubbish at listening to my own voice of reason though. I half-heartedly read up a little on zoom and other virtual event platforms, but I was scared: of working out the technology, of security and privacy issues using virtual events with my mostly 12 - 14 year old readers, our woeful broadband, being on screen, etc etc etc. I was putting in time learning how to use a number of different platforms on free trials even as I didn't really want to go that way, and feeling increasingly unsure of the right approach.
Then on 9th June I attended - virtually! - a Society of Authors event with Candy Gourlay and Chitra Soundar, entitled Social Media 101. In the chat box I confessed my worry about launching my book, that nothing would happen if I didn't go virtual, that I didn't know what to do. And it felt so good to say it out loud! Well, typed in a chat box. And it really was from that moment on that I decided to take control of what I was going to do.
I won't go into all the details of how I came up with and structured my virtual events as I've blogged about it elsewhere; I'll post the link below. But this is what I did:
1. Virtual Publicity Tour:
I offered a week of free virtual events run on password-protected pages on my website, complete with live Q&A with me, but done in comment boxes: so there was no live video of me or them, no requirement for me to have their personal details. It worked kind of like chat boxes - the sort of thing I felt comfortable doing myself. Would schools be too stretched and stressed to want to take part? No! I ended up with eighteen school events being booked, from class size to year groups. I found them in a variety of ways: past teacher and librarian contacts; twitter; Facebook; being shared on a few librarian groups.
the tweet that started things off
Why free? Well, it was my book launch week. Also, I felt I didn't really know how it would work; it was a learning experience. From what I learned, I'm ready to go forward with paid events in the new school year.
2. GIF and Book Trailer:
The GIF was total serendipity - from lunching with lovely Sara O'Connor, previously of publishing fame but now working in coding and programming. I showed her my book cover which, in case I haven't mentioned yet, I ADORE, and she offered to make a GIF, as above. With everything going online it was brilliant timing. The trailer I made myself: on Vimeo!
3. Social Media:
Hachette Childrens Books rightly focused their efforts here, and they truly did a great job of getting the word out on Instagram and Twitter. They made some great images that were perfect for sharing, and share I did. I did worry a little if I was sending out too much book spam, but actually I think that at the moment, we're all more tolerant and supportive of these things. We all understand - this is our megaphone just now, and we have to use it.
Overall: Disaster or Opportunity?
Both.
Disaster:
1. Not getting to events in person.
2. Missing YALC. WAH! I was really looking forward to that.
3. Book Fairs being cancelled and foreign publishers likely being more cautious; time will tell how that pans out.
4. Difficulty getting books sold with virtual events.
5. Worry about a certain large online retailer taking over, while independent bookshops and highstreet chains struggle.
Opportunity:
1. I know how to do stuff I didn't before. I'm much more comfortable making videos, something I used to HATE. I know how to make them look and sound better. There was a fair amount of hair pulling and occasional swearing along the way as I worked it out, but if I can do it - anyone can.
2. Even though I was quite seriously stressed about what to do/not to do in the lead up, I actually really enjoyed the virtual event experience! Answering an avalanche of questions in comment boxes took concentration and good touch typing skills, but it was FUN. I'm sure I'll continue promoting virtual events even if - finger's crossed - there is a miracle vaccine available just around the corner.
3. Comments from librarians afterwards were that they felt the format engaged the students, in some cases even more than an in-person event: students who wouldn't readily engage or ask questions were comfortable doing so using this format (link to their comments, below).
4. Going forwards with paid virtual events in the new school year, the reduced cost compared to a live event will make it more accessible and less something only schools with bigger budgets can afford.
5. Shouting out about the virtual event offering got a huge amount of engagement from librarians and teachers around the UK. Many of those who couldn't take part for one reason or another expressed interest in hearing about my coming virtual workshops. Yay!
these were LUSH
6. The reach of virtual publicity events is far greater than just the few I could have travelled to in person. The word is out, even if only time will tell how that translates to sales. 7. I missed some hugs, but Zoom book launches have some pluses: you only have to buy your own wine, and you get to eat ALL the cupcakes.
8. At last: I could dye my hair to match my book cover! In complete confidence that no one would see it unless I wanted them to.
A final word: After my launch week, I was tired - but happy. I did all that I could to give my book its chance in the world, and what more can you do?
Not to get too morbid here, but it’s definitely going to happen that you’ll stop writing at some point in the future. Either through disease, or death, or taking up some exciting new hobby like competitive topiary. Would the knowledge that you’re writing your last book help or hinder your current work-in-progress?
Eight years ago, I became convinced that the book I was writing would be my last. My magnum opus. Of course, it didn’t help that I was suffering from a serious mental illness and feared that I might die at any second. Or that I felt my agent at the time was pressuring me to finish the book so we could get it out on submission. Anyhow, I pushed and struggled my way through that novel, with a weird mix of fear, self-hatred and messianic overconfidence.
Looking back, I’m not sure how I got through that period. What I really should have done is stop writing and trying to get published, because that was part of the reason why I got sick in the first place. If I’d had more of a flair for the dramatic, perhaps I might have taken my own life after typing THE END. I certainly had plenty of suicidal thoughts to work with. But somehow I clung on, through the disappointment of my agent rejecting the book, through me leaving her and the book failing to find a publisher (thought to be fair, it hardly had a fair shot as I only sent it to three editors).
I was wrong about a lot of things from that period, not least that it would be the last book I’d ever write (I’ve written another four since then). But something has kept pulling my thoughts back to the novel I’d written during that dark time, a feeling of unfinished business. Was it still the masterpiece I’d imagined it to be?
Well, no.
It isn’t bad, actually, but it definitely isn’t world-changing in its current form. They say that you should leave your manuscript in a drawer for as long as you can to get a fresh perspective on it, but I’m not sure they were thinking about eight years! Still, I’d recommend it if you feel you can spare the time. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see now that it’s just a book, something that can be revisited and moulded into a different form. With the guidance of my new (and much nicer) agent, I’m doing just that, rewriting it as a graphic novel. The rewrite is still not an easy process, but at least there’s a lot less drama this time around.
It’s fascinating looking back at my life and work from such a distance, seeing how much my mental state bled into the characters I’d created. The protagonist is burdened by massive guilt and self-loathing, putting himself in dangerous situations in the hope he might be set free by death. Medication to control behaviour is everywhere. Even the overriding concept of the novel is an elaborate metaphor for depression.
If the novel I wrote reflected the man I was then, the new version will surely reflect me now – older, somewhat wiser and definitely more cynical. It’s ironic that we’ve just gone through another period of maximum fear and loathing during lockdown, a period that was not helpful in the least to my creative process, and during which I wrote very little. It’s only since the emergence of a tentative new normal that I’ve been able to start moving forward on the book again, to recognise the kind of persistent, low-level depression many of us have been suffering from in the last few months. And with that realisation comes the uncomfortable truth that I will never be truly free of mental illness, just better able to recognise and control it.
There’s an argument that knowing you were working on your final book wouldn’t change anything, because to write successfully you must pour the whole of yourself into the work, holding nothing back. And while I understand that theory, it also puts a hell of a lot of pressure on you as a writer, denying you the space to experiment and make mistakes. By all means, write your heart out and leave an amazing legacy of work for future generations. But don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others while you’re still here.
Nick.
Nick Cross is a children's writer/illustrator and Undiscovered Voices winner. He received a SCBWI Magazine Merit Award, for his short story The Last Typewriter.
Nick is also the Blog Network Editor for SCBWI Words & Pictures magazine. His Blog Break column appears fortnightly on W&P.
