Friday 21 October 2016

Diary Of A Slushpiler: In Which I Discover Amazing Plot Twist

By Jo Wyton



The day begins with wake up call number one as the cat's wet nose finds its way onto my face. Cat is shoved gracelessly to the floor. An hour later, wake up call number two provides a familiar feeling of disorientation brought on by a dream in which I finally figured out my much-needed Amazing Plot Twist. Sense of almost being able to recollect it shattered by piercing cry from the nursery as Baby telepathically realises I'm thinking about something other than honing Excellent Parenting Skills.

At eight thirty, I realise I am running late. I am due in London to meet disturbingly talented writing pals and haven't so much as entertained the notion of a shower for three days. Shove hair into ponytail in hope of fooling all of London into thinking I'm making an excellent fashion statement instead of hiding the butternut squash and pea purée lovingly mangled in by overly excited Baby last night whilst I was paying too much attention to Eastenders.


Somehow make it onto the 9:29 with ten minutes to spare thanks to Significant Other being ridiculously helpful despite having a Looming Deadline. As I step onto the train, have a vision of forgotten plot twist from abandoned dream. It is unfolding in my mind wonderfully until the buggy wheel gets stuck between the train and platform and I lose every ounce of grace I own getting it loose again. Thankfully there is a baby already crying in the same carriage, so I am at least spared the embarrassment of having the loudest one.

Lunch is wonderful. Coffee, tiramisu, stale sandwiches. Disturbingly talented writer pals are disturbing as ever. Am inspired to write. Baby is going to bed at 7pm nowadays so I can cook dinner, eat it and still have a couple of hours to write before falling unconscious on the space bar. I shall write like a fury. I shall get at least one chapter written, possibly two.

On the train home I remember Amazing Plot Twist. Yes! Plot suddenly makes sense. Book will be wonderful. A bestseller. Most importantly, it will be WRITTEN. I rummage in rucksack for a pen, one eye on Baby who has been asleep in the buggy for an hour and is surely going to wake up ANY MINUTE NOW. Scribble Amazing Plot Twist down in illegible scrawl and pat self on the back for achieving long awaited parenting skill excellence by doing all this without waking Baby.

Get home exhausted but fired up ready to write. Afternoon and evening pass in a blur of face grabbing and tone-deaf Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and visions of Craig Revel Horwood holding up a '4' and saying "total disarster daaaarling". Baby smushes pureed peach onto my face as confirmation of Current Life Status.



Baby finally goes to bed at 9pm. Grab glass of wine and turn computer on. Must rewrite plot given new sparkly Amazing Plot Twist and get on with next chapter. Reread mad don't-wake-the-baby-up scrawl and realise that it's the plot of yesterday's episode of In the Night Garden.

Gratuitous.
Grab another glass of wine and write six words so brilliant they will surely not even need editing before remembering that I haven't watched the evening's dose of sequins and general festivity that is Strictly Come Dancing or last weekend's episode of Poldark. When Ross removes his shirt for the second time, can't help but feel that the writer has a good sense of their audience and hope that at some point, half-naked scything makes a return to everyday life.

Still, must get back to the Book. In wine- and exhaustion-induced haze, I write a scene that must've been festering at the back on my occipital and wonder whether wine is a necessary conductor for my writing process. Will be sure to test theory tomorrow.

12 comments :

  1. BUT WHAT WAS THE PLOT TWIST? And on another note ... you didn't tell us you hadn't showered for days.

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    1. Well I wouldn't want to add too much excitement to the occasion.

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  2. Hats off to you, Jo, for fitting your writing around baby, friends, pudding, cat, wine and Strictly. Have you really thought through the half-naked scything? (I agree but) Could your writing survive that?

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    1. Question is: would you give up scything watching for writing?...!

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  3. I think there'll be a lot of people empathising with this post!

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  4. I read this post with ne'er a pause to draw breath, waiting for the formula/recipe/instructions for finding Amazing Plot Twist - imagine my disappointment but also my absolute admiration that you manage to find time to write at all! Great post, Jo! (Guess I'll have to come up with my own plot twist.)

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    1. Yes, me too! Noddy, Toyland Detective doesn't seem to provide the answers...

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  5. I have worked out what I thought was a great story only to discover it was really a mashed up version of what I'd seen on Octonauts (so I had to give up on it faster than you can say 'Munch a bunch'a crunchy carrots') and the same with a particularly satisfying idea that then bore scary similarities to something I'd seen on Mike the Knight. CBeebies has a lot to answer for...

    Great post, though x

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    Replies
    1. It really does! Sounds like I need Octonauts in my life...

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  6. Jo, this is so my life, although thankfully it's no longer 'In The Night Garden'! More 'The Long Way Around' & 'Once upon a Time'!

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    1. Ha! Just as long as Criminal Minds plots don't start popping up in my YA coming of age drama, eh?!

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  7. Oh Jo, I love this post - it brought it all back - it passes you know , and all too quickly!

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