Monday 29 April 2013

These Are The Things That Make Us Anxious: Matt Haig and Writers' Neuroses

by Jo Wyton

For the past couple of months, Matt Haig has been blogging for The Book Trust. He's an honest guy, and a great writer, and many of his posts have struck a chord with me both as a writer and a reader.

A couple of weeks ago, he posted about the many (many many many) neuroses he has as a writer. I know A LOT of writers, and I can say that between us, we cover these particular neuroses. Several times over. I don't know many writers who aren't neurotic - but then, I don't know many people full stop who aren't neurotic in some way, and when you're doing something creative, and putting this huge chunk of your soul on show for people to judge, neuroses are pretty much inevitable.



Matt's neuroses are the inner buggings of a published author - these are the things we all have to look forward to. (Lucky us, eh?) For now though, whilst we're lingering on the slushpile, there are even more. Because, yes, we worry about what will happen once IT happens and we find our book on a bookshelf. But that's not enough to worry about, so we also develop a special set of neuroses to take us through the queries and rejections and dreams and knock-backs.

These are the Things That Make Us Anxious:



Double line spacing or 1.5? The website said double. It did. I'm almost certain of it. Guys? GUYS? Read that publisher's website as many times as you like, you'll still question whether you've misinterpreted the instructions. Then you worry you accidentally printed it at A3 and didn't notice and put it in a pink envelope and sent it to the wrong address.

Is everyone else better at editing than I am? There are mistakes hiding in my manuscript somewhere, I just can't find them. Seriously. I know you're in there, typos. You can't hide forever. Come out, come out, wherever you are... (You're going to hide forever, aren't you?)

I could swear I put a comma there. I demand to know who STOLE MY COMMA.

The title isn't right. It's terrible. It was a working title. why oh why didn't I change it before I sent it off? They won't like it. Why can't I EVER think of a good title? And how come everyone else can?

My crit group is going to throw me out after I offer up this piece of rubbish. Well, you can always pretend your six year-old son wrote it, can't you? But in the end, you submit it anyway, because your crit group is awesome and the worst they'll do is show you how to make it better.

The market isn't right for the kind of book I'm writing at the moment. And even though every piece of writerly advice available says 'Don't write to the market", you still find yourself trying to work out how to get a werewolf, a fairy and a vampire into your middle grade novel about hamsters.

Did Super Agent get my query letter? Because it doesn't matter how many hours you put into it, if they don't respond within two hours you will automatically question whether they received it or not. Maybe they got it and immediately hated it? Oh god, they did, didn't they? It's possible their dog ate it, right?

What if someone writes my book before I do? Oh my god, it's going to have the exact same title, main character and that scene with the squirrel. I'm going to have to change it. I'll use a chipmunk.

And what would a list of a slushpiler's neuroses be without the absolute classic:



Will I EVER get published? This is the only one I think there's an obvious answer to: Yes. Yes, because if you're worrying about it then it's obviously worth worrying about to you, so you'll keep writing, and you'll keep having ideas, and you'll get better at both of those things, and you'll start to understand the industry, and eventually, all of those things will fall into place and it will happen.

I'm off now to write my middle grade vampire hamster novel. It's a classic in the making, I can just feel it.


27 comments :

  1. Oh this made me laugh! Brilliant. And those photos!

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    1. KNEW I'd find a use for those some day...!

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  2. Haha a middle grade vampire hamster. Seems pretty cool to me!

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    1. I think I've written it. It's at the very back of the filing cabinet under, barmy ideas.

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  3. I remember the second photo! I think it was taken at the retreat a few years ago after Candy's talk totally freaked you out.

    You forgot to include my past, present and no doubt future neurosis of all time: attaching the wrong file. You know, the really hopeless three-drafts-ago version. I'm always convinced I have done this no matter how many times I check...
    *off to scan inbox for errant attachments*

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    1. Oh yes, so I did! Undoubtedly one of the worst ones.

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    2. Sending the wrong file! I'm in touch with that neuroses!

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    3. Me too. We could all end up with Writer's OCD.

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  4. These neuroses are mine and sometimes, just sometimes, they're legit. Title? Yes. In fact, when I did finally sell my novel they made me change it. Someone ese has written "my" book? Yes. Not quite that detailed, but I got an idea for a novel inspired by a mediaeval romance and nearly sold it and then...a big name writer had the same idea and hers was about to come out. Trying to sell a mediaeval werewolf fantasy when every other title was urban paranormal - yes. And disappointed Twilight fans complain loudly on Goodreads when it turns out to be not what they wanted to read. Most of all, do you change your long foreign surname and write under something Anglo and easy to pronounce? I didn't and sometimes wonder if I should have.

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    1. And therein lies the problem with neuroses - you feel silly for thinking them - and then it turns out you were right to! Just sometimes, that is. Thank goodness it doesn't matter whether somebody gets to your idea before you do - thank goodness it's all in the execution!

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  5. Having spent four years writing a middle-grade vampire story, I was told DON'T MENTION VAMPIRES! The bookshops are sick of them. So my baddie became a demon. Two years down the line: DON'T WRITE ABOUT THE PARANORMAL; the bookshops are sick of them. Why, oh why didn't I have a hamster to fall back on? Shhh ... ugar.

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    1. Falling on hamsters is dangerous - it inevitably ends in death for at least one of the participants.

      But yes - I know what you mean!

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    2. I have actually done that. Several times...

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  6. I really enjoyed this post! Thank you!

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  7. I am ALWAYS convinced that someone else will write my book first. And how did you get my idea about the hamster...

    PS I like the new look website!

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    1. I fully expect to see a vampiric hamster in the next Rescue Princesses, Paula! 'Wildlife Revenge.'

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  8. LOVE.

    Titles, commas, markets - these things bedevil me, too! (And I was so sure I was the only one thinking about chipmunks...)

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    1. I can't believe ANYTHING bedevils you, Amy!

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  9. I think all writers suffer from neuroses, published or not! It seems like every time I think of an idea, I find out something similar has already been done...like that dystopian short story I intended to develop into a full-length novel, only for dystopia to suddenly become THE genre, and someone else to use the exact same idea. I'm also convinced that 90% of a writer's life consists of anxiously waiting for emails...

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    1. Yes, I think that's very true, Emma. Now I must away. I'm waiting for an email, you know...

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  10. You're very encouraging, Jo x

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  11. Great post! Painful yet hilarious. That comma neurosis? My first novel will be released in less than 3 weeks and I've started having this recurring nightmare where ALL of the commas and periods in my book disappear in the first print run. Seriously. I wake up shaking.

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    1. I don't blame you! It's like the socks in the wash thing: there is absolutely a tiny comma pixie running amock in every manuscript, I'm sure of it.

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  12. Utterly brilliant. Loved the squirrel neurosis. I am currently suffering from that one because I have written a book set during a heatwave and oh my so has somebody else .....

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    1. Well everyone in the UK is waiting for that heat wave to arrive, so I'm sure two books about one would be welcomed!

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