Tuesday 11 December 2012

1st Day of Christmas - Katy Wyton, Writer Wrangler extraordinaire

A complaint (in verse)

Writer Wrangler (N): someone who has voluntarily, or involuntarily, come into possession of a writer.

Please remember that a Writer is for life, not just for Christmas.

(Although if you put enough shiny baubles on the tree, it will distract them long enough for you to scoff all the mince pies.)

On the First day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Another new dictionary (because apparently “I don’t know, Google it” is not an acceptable answer)

On the Second day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Two crazy eyes (seriously, stop staring at your laptop and go to sleep. You're killing me here)

On the Third day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Three missed calls (no, really, I don’t want to talk about your book again)

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Four plot holes (really, you didn’t consider that before you started writing it?)

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
FIVE FINAL DRAFTS (to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means”)

On the Sixth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Six heads-a-banging (mine. Against the wall)

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Seven pots of Pringles (well, empty ones)

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Eight magic-markers (ah, I see you’re making another plot-board...) 

On the Ninth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Nine Oh-My-God-So-I-Found-This-New-Book-It’s-Amazing-You-Have-To-Read-It-That’s-Exactly-How-I-Want-To-Write-And-You’ll-Love-Its

(deep breath)

On the Tenth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Ten one-line pitches (yes, you sound like an idiot. No, I don’t think it matters)

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
Eleven cups of coffee (because who needs sleep?)

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my writer gave to me
A two-book deal (because it will happen, guys. There’s a reason us Writer-Wranglers put up with it all – for the moment we can pick up your book from a shelf.)

Katy Wyton is a student, sister and plot wizard, who has once again been tricked into this blogging malarky (view her blogging debut here - which has since become one of the most revisited posts on this blog). She has been warned before that she a Writer waiting to happen. It's only a matter of time before the symptoms start setting in... (cue evil laugh).


  1. This made me laugh out loud! Thank you, it is brilliant

  2. Katy, I fear for you, I really do. The writing bug is in there somewhere, latched on to your DNA. You already have the jollity gene and the character chromosome, add those to the plotter and planner personality trait and you've had it.
    Thanks for the giggle :)

    1. She is SO DOOMED. Should I share this with the family and endure it being quoted back at me? Nooooo!

  3. Brilliant - Katy! Still laughing here!

  4. I'm so glad to see the twelve days of Christmas is here again this year! This post really made me laugh - I'm looking forward to the rest.

  5. Maybe you could turn this wrangling business into an actual business? You could be that person that all writers hope their agent will be and are then bitterly disappointed when it turns out the agent has to, like, sell books and stuff instead.

  6. I love this, even if I am mildly offended...

    1. Offended? Why would you be offended?

    2. I have this vision of Jo staring at shiny baubles while Katy's munching pies!

  7. So horrible true! Fantastic post, am definitely not sharing with my hubby...x

  8. Katy - to misquote the Man in Black to my hero, Inigo ... Look, I don't mean to be rude but this writing is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't distract me.

    Great post!

  9. Teehee! Loved this, then read your first post and loved that as well. Good luck with the wrangling!

  10. Brava, Katy -- and thank you for being such an obviously brilliant writer-wrangler!


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